Maternity Leave
1008 hours. 42 days. 6 weeks.
Maternity leave. As a single, unwed mother, it was all the time I had in March 1998 to get to know the miracle that I had birthed. It was so long ago but I remember it so vividly. Regardless of how tired I was I could not wait to wake up to stare at her beautiful face. Her head full of black wavy hair. Her perfect lips. And big brown eyes.
Her crib laced, with Winnie the Pooh bedding, was in my bedroom-but she slept with me. Her bassinet was carefully placed in the bathroom while I showered and in the kitchen while I cooked. I dressed her in pink ruffles and bows. We snuggled on the couch, drove around town (her car seat in the front...shhhhh) and took long walks to Zia records. We visited with family in Tucson and Phoenix family came down to love on us.
I spent a considerable amount of time thinking about how I was going to provide for her. What in the world am I doing with a baby? And most of all I dreaded going back to work. I had just met her and I loved her like I had never loved before--and I haven't loved that way since. Her father and I were not on good terms, and even if we were, being a stay at home mom was not an option for financial reasons.
May 1998, Naysia went to my moms, I went to work and cried on the way there and on my lunch break. How was it possible to miss someone on this level that I've only known for less than 2 months? I could hardly wait to get her in my arms, feed her, and curl up next to her that night.
Over the course of the next 18 years I worked hard to provide for us. The entire time I worked one, often two, sometimes 3 jobs. In addition I fit in nursing school, volunteered, helped friends/family with various things, moved all over Tucson, and traveled.
The truth is that I allowed my position(s) outside the home to supersede my role as a mom. Sure, we grew together, I spoiled her, I loved her-but unfortunately I didn't really know her as intimately as I did when she was a newborn. That is until recently.
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Maternity Leave
1176 hours. 49 days. 7 weeks.
She sleeps alone in her bedroom with decoration inspired by Eastern cultures. Her makeup game is on point and she blesses me with lessons. Occasionally we succumb to a food coma and slumber on opposite ends of the couch. Late night Netflix marathons turn into giggling fits or perhaps a disagreement. We play pranks and do chores. We go shopping and take long naps. Unpack and argue about the placement of the long red framed mirror. Braid hair and paint fingernails. Sometimes she drives but more often than not she's a passenger. Trips downtown and traipsing thru art museums. Shriek at the sight of water bugs. Eat at fancy restaurants, drive thrus, and have a literal fire in the kitchen.
Just to name a few.
The night before my first day was tender. I talked about how nervous I was. Naysia gave a pep talk, reassuring me that everything was going to be just fine. She asked what time I was leaving and wished me a good night.
Monday, September 26th I was up early for fear of waking up too late. And she was up with me. We prayed together and she sent me on my way. A familiar feeling welled up inside of me as my first day came to an end. I couldn't wait to get home to her. Have dinner with her. Converse with her. Love on her.
"I know that plans I have for you, says the Lord....."
Yes, He's in control, but I still think about our plans. Both as a unit and
independently as women. She has her life ahead of her and a new chapter
has begun for me. Regardless of what takes place, I am forever grateful that His plan included a mother/daughter re-connection.
