Grace Personified

A Sunday morning in the winter of either late 2012 or early 2013 I stepped into the building at 6180 East Pima. 

I don't recall the date because it was such a tumultuous time period.  My biological father had passed away in October of 2012, and I was losing ground quickly.  I was not taking care of myself physically, emotionally or spiritually.  The relationship with my daughter was headed down a dangerous path.  

While at work Patty and I talked about how we needed to go to church.  Eventually we decided we'd put some names in a hat and start "church shopping".  Come the fateful Sunday morning we had not chosen a name.  After a brief discussion we decided to meet in the middle at Grace to the Nations.

Although I had not been to church in a while, I would occasionally listen to praise music.  Upon walking in, Liz and the team were leading worship and the songs were familiar.  Pastor Obed gave word that day and I knew I would return. 

I must admit that I was worried about how Tenaysia was going to settle in.  Up until this point we didn't have a church home partly because she did not feel welcome in any of the youth groups.  Her first Sunday there, Pastor Adina approached and invited her to the Wednesday night youth group, Grace Revolution.  The days of arguing about attending church faded away and soon we were attending church twice a week!!

I'd like to thank Pastor Adina.  Being a part of Grace Revolution has been instrumental in the transformation of my household.  You are amazing.  Thank you for your honesty, selflessness and loving my daughter like your own.

Over the years, Tenaysia and I have collected great memories--too many to share, here are a few:

Baptism of me, Naysia and Imaunii; the weddings of Christy/Faith, Ari/Carlos, Berenise/Eddie; linking up with Pastor Sharon to create the fruit baskets for Cece Winans; road trips to Phoenix and El Paso with Grace Revolution; attending the ribbon cutting at the Woodland property; summer pool parties and movie nights; serving the community during the week of hope; evangelizing at the mall; honoring mother Neva as she turned 100+; 12D; concerts; ushering monthly with Mr. Lowell; Pastor Marla on the microphone; Pastor Rae's 50th bday party.....the list could go on and on and on.  

Today was bittersweet.  We were prayed over at the end of first service, broke bread at NYPD, shared my famous chocolate chip cookies, and we were prayed over once again. 
 
As I write this, I am thankful for the open arms, the listening ears, the praying mothers and fathers, being allowed to exercise my gifts, and the love that was extended.  

Thank you all for being Grace Personified.

 

The Taming of the Brown Bananas part 2

July 12, awake at 5am.  Did I even sleep the night before?  I invited Naysia to come along, but she declined.  Patty was holding down the fort at Fellowship.  Adina was in Cuba.  And I hadn't even told my mom yet.  Mom was tending to Sanita and I could not give her one more burden to bear.  My prayer was that when I did tell her it was going to be good news!

The double doors of Radiology Ltd. swung wide open.  The waiting room was split in half with the check in desk in the center.  And it was already full.  To my immediate left were 2 women checking patients in.  They took my name and asked me to sit on the left side.  I sat among about 20 other women.  Some very comfortable, others visibly nervous.  I listened in as an elderly Hispanic man talked to another waiting husband about how proud he is of his culture.

Desiree called me up to gather insurance info and in exchange gave me an iPad to use to check in.  I breezed through it and returned the iPad.  About 10 minutes later a young lady called me to the back.

She punched in the code and the door opened.  Directly in front of me was a very long hallway.  On the walls hung beautiful quilts geared towards cancer awareness.  Fear set into my heart.  His word says to be anxious for nothing but instead make my needs known and thank Him in advance.  I did my best.  We entered a dressing room.  I was instructed to remove the top half only and don the rose pink gown, then sit in the smaller waiting room.

After what seemed an eternity a lovely woman called my name.  We entered the room that housed the tall, cold machine.  She was informative, patient, kind, and acknowledged how nervous I was.  She asked if I had any questions before we got started.  I only had 3.
"Tell me your name again"  "Rosemary", she replied.
"How long before I get results?"    "Your tests will be reviewed today and the doctor will talk to you today"    WHHHHHAAATTTTTTT!!!  That was the best news I'd heard in the last 6 days!
"Am I also having an ultrasound"     She said, "Only if there are any concerns".

She took 3 views of the right breast, we breezed through those.  The left side took longer.  **side note.  My breasts have been 'handled' a time or 2, but I've totally underestimated the level of stretching and smashing they're capable of**
I tried to gauge what she was seeing by her facial expressions and got nowhere.  Upon completion, she says,
"Please go back to the waiting room, we'll call you back for the ultrasound soon."  WHAAATTTT???
What is there to be concerned about? OMG? This can't be good!

Soon Liz calls me back.  She wasn't as kind as Rosemary.  I climbed onto the table.  These days ultrasound gel is warm.  I couldn't see the screen as she pointed and clicked which made all my google image searches of breast ultrasounds a waste of time.
Liz stops and says, "I'm going to call the doctor in to take a look at this".   WHAAATTTT??? What in the world is wrong that we need the doctor right now?  

The tears began to flow--again.  I thank God that He knows our unspoken prayers, because I could not even talk.  Dr. E came in and studied the screen.  She says--
"Good news, the lump on your left side is not an issue, I don't think it's anything to be concerned about, BUT I do see a spot on the right side that I'm unsure about.  So, I'm sending you back so we can gather a few more images"

Back to the waiting room.  Back to fear and what ifs, anxiety and inaudible prayers.  Thankfully Rosemary was my tech again.  This time around after each scan she called me back to look at it.  Although I didn't know what to look for, it was helpful to see it. Rosemary went on to explain that it's not uncommon for docs to ask for additional views on a first mammo trip.  They have nothing to compare it to and just want to be sure.  

My favorite waiting room chair was open.  This was to hopefully be the last time I sat silently among strangers in pink gowns.  I fidgeted, tried to get on Facebook, texted a few people and read about breast cancer statistics as they flashed across the room's flat screen. 

I was finally called back and informed that "Everything is fine.  There's nothing to be concerned about.  If you feel additional lumps schedule an appointment right away.  Otherwise, come back in a year."  The diagnosis is scattered fibroglandular breast tissue. 

Bless the Lord!  I drove home to find an empty house.  I texted Naysia and she would soon be home.  While I waited, I blasted the song, "Thank You" by Mary Mary and praised like I don't think I ever have in life. 

This entry could go on forever, but I'll end with this. I've been through emotional hell the last couple of weeks and I've come out on the up side.  My whole entire life could have changed.  I'm praying for every stranger that I encountered on July 12 who received unfavorable news.  

 The remainder of John 10:10 reads ".......My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." 

I thank Him that He has plans for my life that are rich and satisfying!

 


Lastly, you'll be relieved to know that Naysia and I got into an argument about 15 minutes after I shared the amazing news with her.  

Things are back to normal. :)

The Taming of the Brown Bananas part 1

This post is real talk.  If you can't handle the truth, or are uninterested in learning something very personal about me, I advise you to stop here.

John 10:10 says, "The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy....."
I am a believer in God's word, and the thief (enemy) has been working overtime the last week or so trying to steal my excitement and joy. 

Here's how......

A couple of weeks ago I was disturbed in my sleep, uncomfortable, and in pain, as I slept on my stomach.  The pain was in my left breast.  I was convinced that it was a folded pillow, crappy mattress, or perhaps the fact that I've gained so much weight.  I didn't pay it much attention, until it happened again--and again.

The night of July 2nd was the worst!  I woke up knowing that I had to perform a self examination and begrudgingly did so to sadly discover a lump in my left breast.  Panic, fear, anxiety, worst case scenarios all came into play in a matter of seconds.

How dare this happen now?  Now as in holiday weekend, now as in I'm only 40, now as in I'm about to crack open a brand new chapter in my life that does not include insurance for at least 90 days.  I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason and it frightened me to think that perhaps the reason I'm making changes (downsizing, packing, quitting my job) is because I'm about to face and focus on an illness.

I put a call into my doctor the first thing Tuesday morning.  The soonest they had available was Thursday morning but advised me to call in at 7am Wednesday morning to see if there was a cancellation--which I did, and they were able to squeeze me in. The young man that took my vital signs asked why I was there.  When I told him he became fidgety.  I didn't like saying it just as much as he was uncomfortable hearing it.

If I'm being honest, I went in praying that my mind was playing tricks on me.  My hope was that Dr. Nancy would examine me and say, "I don't feel anything, but it is time for a mammogram".  She started with the right breast, the normal one as she called it.  And then moved to the left and said the words I did not want to hear.  "Ohhhhh, there it is." 

I wanted to scream, cry, curse and tell her she was wrong and to check again.  But, the look on her face, the hovering of her hands, and the frantic note taking told me it wasn't a dream.  She was not reassuring, at all.  She gave me several scenarios where what she described as a "mobile, oddly shaped, deep, dime sized lump" could be as simple as a fibrogland or as serious as a cancerous mass.  She lovingly scolded me for not scheduling a mammogram in January and explained that she was writing an order for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.  She went on to say that it would take at least 4-7 days to get test results and that no news from her would be good news.  I asked her to please call me regardless.

On the way home I pulled over and called Radiology Ltd.  Soonest appt?  Six days.  July 12 at 820am.  I asked about other locations and sooner dates, I was willing to drive to the moon to get it done ASAP, they had nothing.  It was a long drive home, not in the way of mileage, but in emotions.  I cried the whole way.  I've stared cancer in the face, professionally and on a personal level.  I've witnessed as it ripped apart bodies, faith, relationships, dreams and pocketbooks.

I sat in the garage a few minutes to gain some composure, Tenaysia was home.  I believe in being transparent with her so she knew what was going on.  I came inside to do a quick google search about the ordered tests and possibilities. And reapply my makeup.   I was home about 10 minutes before she realized it.  She asked if there really was a lump, I said yes, she started crying and so did I.  In her love and wisdom, she looked me in the face and told me very sternly to get it together.  She took her turn on google and found a website with positive outcomes and she said, "Mom, this is what you have.  This is what we're asking God for.  Don't look at the others, read this article, and only this one."  I agreed, fixed my face,
and went back to work.

God is good because for six days He kept me busier than I'd been in a very long time.  I did not have time to wallow in my sorrow.  I hit the ground running every morning--and was distracted until bedtime.

Hello July 12.  

I Love Countdowns!

There is just something about the anticipation that comes along with a change.  I create countdowns for almost anything.  You know what one of my favorite phrases is? "This time next_________, we'll be doing_________."

So, with joy I say that this time next month we'll be unloading the moving truck.

I must admit, I'm about 90% excited and 10% nervous.  

I'm excited about the newness of it all; the city, events, meeting new people, getting lost, new job and spending some quality time with Tenaysia.

So far I'm nervous about 3 things:  getting everything packed, fitting it all in the Penske truck,  and finding a job. 

The resume is currently a work in progress and my goal is to start reaching out to organizations this week.  

I'm convinced that in another language, the word packing is a swear word!  This is the first time in a very long time that we are actually going thru Every Thing to make sure it's worthy of the 800+ mile road trip.  In the process I've come across at least 8 pair of tweezers, 20 cake pans, unopened school supplies, and some of the worst mix CDs in existence!  

One of the joys of this adventure thus far has been the memories evoked as I pack certain items. Today as I worked in the kitchen I couldn't help but smile as I gently wrapped the 'fancy Powell family dishes'.  

I've had the honor of being able to host many leadership meetings, pancake breakfasts, first day of school dinners, Thanksgiving turkey burgers, and Christmas quesadillas.

All the dishes have been packed carefully and I loved thinking about those I've been able to serve and those I'll serve in the future~literally.

Thirty days to go.....the time is going to fly by. 

Royal Daulton Diana Collection